As a little girl I remember having all of my cousins over and we would play with our dolls in a playhouse that was built for me. It was nothing fancy. Simple plywood with a window at the back purchased from a yard sale and an old door that had to have a new hinge put on it so it would stay shut. Hours and hours were spent in that old house. Memories that will always be close to my heart. I look back now and it seems so long ago. Such a lifetime ago. I never thought the day would come when I was no longer a child but a grown adult.
I always wanted to be a mother. It was something that was on my list of things I had to do when I grew up. Caring for people and helping them learn is something that has always meant a lot to me. It scared the heck out of me though when I would stumble upon a commercial advertisement of a mother who did not sleep for days or flipping channels and coming upon a woman giving birth. Its funny how something you watch can be so terrifying even when it is not you going through it. I think the scariest part is the fact that you have this tiny human in your arms and they are going to be totally dependent on you for the rest of your life. They are going to rely on you to help them through the good times and to coach them and work with them through all the curves that life throws at them. Its going to be long days, some not so happy moments but the good memories always outweigh the bad.
I never really fully understood or believed the saying that you forget all the pain as soon as they place that baby in your arms. I would laugh under my breath at the person telling me this. I never imagined something so painful and agonizing could simply be erased within a minute from your exhausted mind.
Words cannot express that emotion I felt when they placed that beautiful baby girl on my chest for the first time. My heart just exploded with love and an automatic sense of protection came over me. You never really think you can love such a little bundle of baby all snuggled up so much. But you do. And I had this very same feeling when they placed Kendra in my arms. Two very different birth stories but all the same outcome of a healthy beautiful baby waiting to be loved.
My two girls are miracles. I believe they are a true gift from God and that I was meant to be their mom. I am not a perfect mom by no means but a perfect mom in my eyes is someone who cares for that child no matter what and loves them unconditionally and selflessly puts their child or children before their own needs. If you love your children with your whole heart you are a perfect mother in my eyes.
